If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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