i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
