what day is it and did you see me today?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
