Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
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What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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