You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
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i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
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He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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