My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize