I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
