I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
