my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
