i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
