I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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