What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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