I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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