dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
