i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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