The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
