he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
