i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
How's work?
Spinning.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
