I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
