is your mom at the bar?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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