Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
