i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
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Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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