Already got asked if we're dating
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
