i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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