I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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