My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I just put wine in my tea
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
