I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
