I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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