Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
