Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
