dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
