Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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