I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
