i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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