We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
