pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
