Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
there was a trapeze. enough said
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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