I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
