What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
if only i could text you this smell
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
