at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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