I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Two words: blizzard sex
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
