yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
