and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED