I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.