no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
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I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?