There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.