I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.