I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way