tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
