He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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