My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
