Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
