Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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