I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
