Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
