Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
