Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
my being single is dangerous.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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