Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So much rum. So many feels.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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