maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just invented taco cereal.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
