Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
