Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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