dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
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I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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