I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
