I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
