You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
