he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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