that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
